Rosemary Paur's story
Beginning Life Again
My life turned upside down over 15 years ago when my marriage was over and since that time I have been on a very long journey – the road has been bumpy with unexpected twists and turns and the occasional large pothole that I have fallen down; and many an unhappy tear has been shed along the way.
In my early years of life I had envisioned a fairy tale of a happy marriage and three wonderful children, but when my youngest was only 5 and my eldest 12 years [I have 3 children, two boys and a girl] my whole world turned upside down. We lost our family home, a beautiful 5 bedroom coaching house, due to the failure of business interests and separated. The children and I moved to a tiny cottage and I had the embarrassment of applying for income support and housing benefit to keep a roof over our heads. Over the next 11 years the children and I moved house 5 times as each house we rented was sold from under us and we had to rely on contacts via friends to find housing. At that time Estate Agents did not like to take rentals from people on housing benefit.
And so the journey began to find my own inner strengths and abilities and learn not to rely on other people for anything. I secured a good education for my children as I am a strong believer in a solid educational foundation, as it is the building block of their personalities for the future. The sacrifice I had to make for these Government Assisted Places [now been abolished] was 7 years of an income below £12,000 a year. However it was worth it to see the successes they have made from their lives now.
Once the older two children’s education was secure I started to fight for justice in the form of maintenance for myself and the children. This journey took me to fight two court cases and represent myself and also urge the CSA to act. My marriage was over in 1993 but I did not receive any maintenance at court for myself until 2003 and never any regular child maintenance. How do you bring up a family on so little money? - well with difficulty! I became a house cleaner, a barmaid, a waitress, a shift Manager at a sports club and all the time my focus was on making sure I could feed the children and pay the bills. I cried endlessly over the injustice of my situation and many women I have spoken to have suffered the same fate as me; it can destroy your confidence and your ability to ever raise ‘phoenix like’ from the ashes.
My journey took another twist as I had to learn to understand why my life had taken such a dramatic turn and stop myself from becoming a victim. This period could be described as going into a ‘dark forest’ and learning to find your way out as a new person. I was close to a nervous breakdown in the early years and was on the verge of exhaustion with early signs of M.E. I was recommended to try healing and meditation classes to help me. The people I met on this journey into my inner self showed me with loving guidance and compassion the tools that I could use to manage myself without resorting to anti-depressants, as recommended by the Doctor. I became very interested in alternative medicine and its ability to help healing and now looking after my health and wellbeing is my top priority, as from that platform everything else in your life will work. I became a practising Reiki healer in 2000 and healing, meditation and yoga are the foundation blocks of the person I am today.
My life began to turn around when after a series of jobs as a temporary PA I was invited to work at BT. This turning point in 2001 meant that within a year of joining the company I was working for the Chairman, something I could never have imagined even 2 years previously! I have learnt that we always have to be positive and open to opportunities and our state - negative or positive – will attract like for like. I had to train myself to be more positive than I ever felt inside and keep pushing for what I wanted – a secure future for myself and my children. My time in BT meant that I could buy myself a small home with some of my maintenance money and so begin to re-build our lives.
The challenges I have experienced have fuelled a desire to give back where I can and make a difference. I decided to leave BT in 2006 and establish my own business supporting the PA community through a motivational Global PA Network and offer personal development training and support for this sector of the workforce who are often the ‘unsung heroines of the corporate world’. My vision is to support others and encourage them to find their own inner potential so that they are in control of their own lives.
I have had the opportunity to travel with my business and have visited Australia and the Far East and enjoy motivating and inspiring PAs on the other side of the world. After leaving BT I received sponsorship from BT Conferencing for my network which has given me the confidence to keep growing my business and I am thrilled to still be connected to the BT family. My life is now full with new friends and new opportunities and my children are well and happy and I could not ask for anything more. I do believe in strong loving relationships and I am looking forward to the day when I meet the right partner to give and receive love again.
Rosemary runs the Global PA Network
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