Patti's story
“I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS” OR “FREE AT LAST”
After 20 years of marriage/loss of freedom, I finally was free. I had waited four years to find the right time to go or for him to go and for our children to be a bit older.
On Easter Sunday 2008, it was his 60th birthday and I had painted the kitchen daffodil yellow and filled it with daffodils. (He always wanted daffodils on his birthday equivalent to the number of years.) I announced that I was FREE and he was FREE but had no idea about how it would happen.
We had been separated since 2004 when I turned 50 and did part of the Camino to Santiago de Compestela, Spain. I realised in retrospect, that the pilgrimage was my walking away from the controlling marriage and my start on the road to freedom. I felt I was in the wrong country (weather i.e. sea temperature cold, grey days, little sun) with the wrong man, wrong job (controlling Steiner school, too much head little heart) and a COLD,COLD house with no insulation, no double glazing.
So this is how it came about..freeedom that is.
August 2008 my then husband, stranded myself and 2 children in Spain with no money. We missed our flight and needed 180 euros to get another flight and a kind man, Mohammed, paid for us. He, too, had missed his flight with his son back to the UK. My then husband was livid that we accepted money from a stranger from Morocco. (Mohammed actually lived in our village for 20 years but had moved to Brighton 7 years ago after his divorce.) So, my husband said I had to move out. I said no - he had to move out.
October 19, 2008, he leaves with the cash, computer, telephone, dvd player, car and the CHILDREN!! We live on the edge of Ashdown Forest and public transport leaves a lot to be desired. With no car, how was I going to get to work and get the children to the bus stop and and and...
They said they loved me and were going to stay with me BUT if Daddy is taking everything they had better go with him!! (He was moving to Lewes near their schools.) The bottom of my world fell out. I was prepared to let go of everything but my children, now 17 and 15. They had to choose.
So, I brushed the garden path with tears in my eyes and realised everything alive had left my house except me. Maybe I would get a cat. Something alive.
I had been working part time since my brother's death so had little money, I had just given notice and was looking for full time work. I had no money for heating oil, rent, food or anything so I lived on credit until it ran out. I still had a commitment to see my children every Wednesday and take them to eat in Lewes.
Transport is expensive and sometimes after their meal, I would sleep on the streets in doorways because I had no money for transport after the meal. I would take items to sell in shops but sometimes they did not sell. Other times I slept in the airport where it is warm.
I found ways to survive without money...free membership trials at clubs/hotels allowed me to swim, shower and exercise, a kind shop keeper would offer me a free hot drink, a homeless person shared his sandwich, shops gave free samples of food, friends invited me around for meals and a warm bed, a reward coupon for food shopping arrived in the post, a refund from the school, a warm church bench to meditate and pray, the library, openings at galleries offering nibbles and drinks, and offers of lifts from kind strangers. I am so grateful for all the kindness shown to me over the past few months. I do not know how I would have survived without the kindness of others.
Then a theatre company needed storage space for an actor from New York.. I agreed and in exchange I could go for 12 days to Ft Lauderdale, Florida from Barcelona, Spain. Wow! A trip to the States to be with my family..and receive support, love, friendship and eat some soul food...corn grits, BBQ, fried chicken, chicken and dumplings, collard greens, iced tea and all the things I never eat but remind me of home.
The cruise ship went to Cartagena, Spain, Pont Delgado, Azores, Nassau Bahamas, Ft Lauderdale, Florida. I enjoyed the people, the sunshine, the yoga, swimming, and dancing for 12 days. Also, there was a passenger talent show and I signed up as a tribal belly dancer. Natacha Atlas danced at a fundraiser at our school in Sussex and I had been in a class for 2 years since that day. But tribal is performed in groups, never alone, so I put a notice for dancers and 7 women came forward from California, North Carolina, Spain, Ireland and Cuba. It was a great success.
So, yesterday I flew back to the USA and am going to work on a cruise ship as Youth Services Coordinator for under 16's and Tribal Belly Dancer. There will be the freedom of travel and new experiences as a single woman. Watch out world! Here I come!
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